Lardy-Dardy

Dryhopped Hazy Session IPA.

Ingredients: Water. Malts: Golden Promise, Oats, Rolled Oats, Cara-pils. Hops: Citra, Mosaic, Cascade. Yeast: London Fog.

Some have claimed that Calcifer Stroker was a bitter man. That however was never true, as he personally always favored Mild Ales, although he came from a class background very far from the origin of Milds. Calcifer was a very particular man, who favored systems and a strict order in his systems. In his professional life he was a teacher at Wolfson College in Cambridge, always favoring an after hours drink at his preferred pub "The Brisk & Brim". For years it had annoyed him that many customers simply ordered "a pint," although the pub carried several beers that came in different colors and strengths, often with fanciful names. "A pint" was such poor and unclear communication in Calcifer's opinion - a pint of what, exactly? Some beers did have a vague style designation like Bitter, Porter or Mild, but it was all quite muddled and incoherent. For the next several years Calcifer Stroker used all of his spare time to sample beers and interview brewers. And finally - with no small degree of complacency - he was ready to publish his complete style guide to beer, which took the beer world by storm. He even set up a judging system that would allow all the world's beers to be compared on equal terms in 75 styles. All of this happened when Calcifer was a fairly young man and the beer world was a stable one. It is said that the first Double IPA caused Calcifer a minor nervous breakdown. When somebody brewed a big Stout with pizza and dollar bills, he was admitted to a mental institution where he frantically tried to put the world of beer styles right again. It took 3 years before the doors to freedom would open. But when he asked for his usual pint of Mild at "The Brisk & Brim" the bartender looked at him as if he was clearly insane and instead poured something called a Dryhopped Hazy Session IPA which looked suspiciously as if it had little chunks of orange pulp in it. This became the fatal glass of beer that laid poor Calcifer Stroker in his grave. His despair at seeing his life's work of systematizing the beers of the world ruined caused his heart to break and his soul to disappear into the bottomless pit of confusion.